“Hey, is it too late to ask you to come pick me up?”
“Yes, but whatever, where are you?”
“Thank you, you’re da best!”
“Where the hell are you? I’m here!”
“Coming, coming, calm down”
“I need to find a place to stand that won’t get me a fine”
“Hurry up and get in the car, I’m in a taxi zone!”
“See ya later babe!… Yeah, alright, calm down, I need food, can we go maccas drive thru, I’m soooo drunk!! Wooooooo!”
An excerpt of the dialogue between my underage sister and I in the early hours of this morning. I told her no later than 11pm if she needs a lift, but my protective sisterly instincts kick in and I have to make sure she gets home safe, as long as it’s within my power to do so. So, as tired as anything, I got in my car and drove the half hour into the city to pick her up. I was not exactly pleased when I saw what she was wearing, but I kept my silence when she got in the car. The t-shirt she got at the party she went to was fine. But the skirt that almost barely covered her behind was what boiled my blood. In the middle of the city, in the middle of the night, she was flaunting herself for all to see. Including all the men. She complained to me in the car home that the guy she had gone with seemed uninterested in her, so whatever. I didn’t blame him, what with the antics she’s been up to lately. At the height of their “thing” (that is actually what she called it), she gushed about how much of a nice, intelligent boy he was and how she was learning so much from him. Good, I thought, she’s hanging around nice guys and not douche bags. So to hear her say she doesn’t care about anything anymore and won’t pursue that friendship is, well, honestly probably none of my business. But to do it in the manner that she has, that’s disgusting. So he didn’t like the fact you were acting like a drunken ditts last night, are you surprised, darling sister? Men of intellect hardly fancy a girl who has clouds for a brain. Or in this case, has simply forgotten herself for a few hours in favour of a drunken stupor. My sister is intelligent, so that’s why, apparently, all the boys like her. Not to mention gorgeous, funny, witty, sharp and generally a nice, caring person. But lately she’s become a bit narcissistic, getting caught up in the drinking culture of university. And this is why I’m now hearing about the douchebags chasing her and the nice guys running away.
Disclaimer: I am not generalizing. All men are different and unique in their own right, but by their actions at certain times can fit the profiles that will be described as follows.
For all those lovesick puppy dogs who moan the cry that titles this blog, I have a simple answer for you: You’re looking in the wrong place. If you go to bars and clubs and pubs and dress in the tightest, skimpiest little dress you can find, wear the tallest heels you’ve got, that you’re probably gonna take off before the night ends and cake on make up 3 inches thick then do you think some guys might be repulsed by that look? Then you go out with your girls, talking about superficial girly things and omg, how cute is that guy standing by the bar, I wonder if he’ll buy me a drink, do you think the guys with some smarts about them would give you a second look? And THEN about 3 hours later, you’re shooting your mouth off, saying completely unintelligible bullshit, amidst the vomiting you’re doing into that plant outside the bar, wouldn’t some guys just walk straight past you with disgust? And you have the gall to say,”There’s no nice guys out there anymore.”
Well, honey, there is. I know many of them because I don’t throw myself at them, giving them little to no room for imagination because they can see it all already. The reason you think there isn’t any nice guys is because those guys you meet at clubs deliberately go out with the intention of a hook-up. Like, “Hey, bro, let’s see who can score tonight!” They’re the ones dancing too closely next to you, they’re the ones buying you drink upon drink to get you to “loosen” up. They’re the ones who do not care for you as a person, only that which you have displayed to them, your body. Well known fact: Males are visual. When you put it out there, it’s distracting. So of course he’s going to be focussed on your body. But Mr Nice Guy is the one standing at the bar that you tried to hit on and he turned you down, because he values women for more than a one night stand. He’s the one who isn’t there for a hook-up, but maybe for a date, maybe just to hang out with the boys and have a good time. You criticize him because he doesn’t appreciate you in the here and now. It’s not all about the here and now. He wants to value you as a person, with intelligence and opinions and hopes and dreams all your own. But he can’t do that if you don’t value yourself.
It’s a cruel cycle, and honestly, I blame society. Music videos these days are filled with pimps and hoes flaunting it everywhere and, hey, that’s okay, right? Girls are expected to dress to this standard as young as 10 years old. And boys see this and think that it’s okay to expect that from girls. So, in essence, society has brain-washed all of us to think it is okay to pressure the other gender to live up to this standard. In my opinion, it’s not a standard at all. It’s degrading, defaming and dehumanizing. Objectifying a person is depersonalizing them, making it all about the visual, the physical, the here and now. And girls, you know you do it too. Checking out guys to see if they make the cut is just as bad as them giving you the once over. But that’s the thing, society has made you believe life is about the here and now. It’s not. It’s about what is to come. What are your kids going to say in 20, 30 years time, when they see photos of you at their age? Are they going to be insecure about this societal standard that you’ve placed before them? Are they going to be disgusted and look for a better life? Or will they accept that that’s their lot in life, because look how well you turned out. 40-something, been smoking for 25+ years, drinking excessively, put on the pounds from a diet of coke, beer and takeaway food. No decent qualifications, no plans for the future, coz, hey, when you were 19, society told you to live fast, die young. But you didn’t and now you’re stuck with the choices you made and you’re bringing up the next generation of world leaders, scientists and intellects with a crass mouth and a pot belly. Is that really what you want to be when you grow older? There is a better way of living and better people out there to socialize with. What is our society that our main objective in life would be to get drunk and have sex? What kind of a life is that? I’ll tell you. It’s not a life at all.
So for all those girls in short skirts and tight tops, stop asking where have all the good guys gone, coz they’re right here, and start being the kind of woman that that guy would want. Maybe, just maybe then we might be able to raise up the next generation with honour and integrity, two words so rare in this hard and fast generation.
It’s not about where are they? It’s about who will become the “they”!
And for those of you who are really stuck and cannot find any “nice guys” anywhere you go, try the library instead of the club.